We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
