My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
