Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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