you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
