A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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