so that wasnt chicken after all
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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