Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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