it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
