Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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