so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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