He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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