we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
