You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I touched a dick in church today
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
