All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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