I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
