so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
