i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
