he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize