I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize