I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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