im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
