I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
