I hope mine doesn't look like that
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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