therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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