you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
