i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
