does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
