Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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