I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
