Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
