i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
