there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize