I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
