Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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