Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
