i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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