I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
