so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
