I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
