Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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