man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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