There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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