My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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