Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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