He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
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I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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