Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
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We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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