the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
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No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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