I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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