I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
