Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
