is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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