What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
