Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
