Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
