I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
