Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I cut my penus on the lid.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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