Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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