I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
