I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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