Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
