He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize