I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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