He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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