Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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