As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
