I just cut my nipple shaving
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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