I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize