i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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